And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
either way he was missing a nipple.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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