Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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