Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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