The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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