what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it because I queefed?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
