I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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