just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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