I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
