i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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