I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
