Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
