i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
