Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
