bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
