I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
