Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
