He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Success! We fucked roommates!
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