I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
