I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
