I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
