YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
