Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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