yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
