My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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