Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
