im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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