Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
