just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
