I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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