Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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