I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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