i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
