I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
