exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
