Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I met the friendliest cop last night
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
