Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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