apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
