If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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