I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
