WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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