I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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