it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
