I think I won the penis lottery.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you never un-have a 4some
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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