Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
