They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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