Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Welp...herpes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
