Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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