things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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