I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
