We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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