Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
