she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
