Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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