I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
