Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
