yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
