You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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