If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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