you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
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Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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