New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
