She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
