Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
