we have officially lost it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
